"Son of a holy mother, as soon as I could utter a word, I learnt from her to know and love You, and to pray to You: Charles, born in Strasbourg in 1858, of an old aristocratic family, was brought up in an atmosphere of traditional but authentic piety. 7 can see myself going to church with my father (so long ago), then with my grandfather...I can see my grandmother and cousins going to daily Mass..." Charles recollects three things about his childhood: the deep family ~, the atmosphere of affection, and his own happiness in this context of piety and affection. True, he was marked by the sorrow of the death of both his parents when only five, and later by the flight from Strasbourg in the Franco-Prussian war of 1870 when twelve, and these sad events affected his character with a tendency to turn back on himself; but, in spite of the opinion of several biographers, it is the real and positive values of his childhood experience that provide the human foundation of his faith conversion.

The words "pious" and "piety" recur frequently in Charles" childhood memories, and these words well describe the specific acts which her recalls: visiting wayside calvaries, offering flowers to the statue of Mary, visiting the Blessed Sacrament, even the "pious" preparation for first Holy Communion. Certainly, his mother, grandfather, and cousin Marie were persons of deep and genuine faith, personal faith, but Charles" own "faith" as a child was embedded in the shared, communal piety of his family. It had not yet, I would think, sprouted, but remained a seed. For piety is essentially a social attitude, linked to family and country, to religious practice and culture. It contains a respect for God and his benefits, but refracted through the given milieu. Faith is something far more: a personal response to the personal God, freely given, freely accepted, fully "mine".

Of course, piety and faith are normally associated: piety is the normal seedbed for the growth of faith and for its visible expression. But in our secular age the two are divorced, and so faith has to be born in a religious desert, like a cactus rooted in the bare sand. Charles was more fortunate...but when his childhood piety was undermined in adolescence. the hidden seed of faith was swept away with it.

How did this come about? Charles, now more withdrawn, was an avid reader. From the age of twelve he read and absorbed the intellectual sceptics then in vogue: Voltaire, Montaigne, Littre.. "The equal faith with which different religions were held: he wrote, "appeared as the condemnation of them all" (letter to H de Castries 1902). Again "Nothing about God can be proved: and "Truth cannot be found:.. In other words, Charles rejected the truth of the Christian religion, and hence faith in God"s self-revelation. Later he will say "I despaired of truth", and it was truth that he yearned for and searched after.

It was only afterwards, on losing truth, that he began, as he says, "doing evil". No longer looking towards the God of goodness, he let his natural energies have free rein. He wasted himself and his fortune.. a waste of what is good, rather than a committing of positive evil, but a waste that left a "profound inner emptiness" in the midst of outward plenty and merry socializing.

It was, then, from nothingness that Charles was led to living faith. Can we trace, without over-schematizing, the steps of this process? It was lasted some seven years. Dismissed from the army, his chosen career, for "notorious misconduct", Charles requests re-admission, as a simple soldier if need be, on hearing that his regiment is being summoned to fight "insurgents" in Algeria. To the surprise of his men and fellow officers, he shows courage in danger, companionship with others, and an attraction for the austerity of the desert. Circumstances challenge him, and he begins to find himself.

Leaving the army again, this time of his own accord, when the action is over, he searches consciously for a new challenge: to explore Morocco, at that time closed to Europeans. This involves serious study of language and cartography, and, once begun, an extended experience of poverty of means and of racial rejection (due to his disguise as Rabbi accompanying a genuine Rabbi). Forced to be poor, he becomes more "open". Two things strike him - the ritual acts of adoration by the Muslim men, and the hospitality of his hosts even at the risk of their own safety. A new sense of something Great "above" humanity and a new awareness of human relations as "fraternal" begins, almost imperceptibly, to grow upon him.

His journey accomplished, Charles returns to Parish and sets about writing up his explorations. This task required exactitude and patience, and brought Charles in contact again with his family7, as well as with geographical experts. Fully occupied, and at ease in himself and with those around, Charles finds a natural attractions for chastity; and this in turn, as he later remarks, opens the door towards the search for truth. Is there any ultimate truth? Charles is haunted by this questions. It is, of course, for him an existential question: he wants a truth to live by, but it must be recognized by him as purely and simply true. "My God, if you exist, make me know it" (notes) or "...make me know You" (letter). It is a search "without belief" as yet, but "a search for truth".

These three stages led up to the final act: his own act, but first and foremost, the act of God. How? God had, he says, "two helpers", each in their way "instruments" of His action - Abbe Huvelin and his cousin, Marie de Bondy. His cousin, Marie, drew him by her "presence", by her "silence" without reprimand or persuasion, and by her radiant "goodness and holiness". Her role was that of Mary carrying Christ, and so, by that, radiating Christ; radiating Him through the "influence" of her ordinary actions for others. This, obviously, was a gradual process. The Abbe Huvelin"s role was more punctual and precise. Charles heard of him as being "learned" and ready to discuss, and went to consult him for this reason. But the unexpected happened: "I asked for lessons in religion: he made me kneel and confess, and sent me on the spot to receive communion". Unexpected for Charles, unexpected of the Abbe. For he was not at all the man to force anyone, or even to hurry a movement; rather he was noted for his extreme delicacy and tact. It seems, then, to have been an "inspiration" on his part for this person at this moment. Indeed, Charles speaks of it as God"s moment: "what a day of blessing. You gave me all that is good:..

"As soon as I believed that there was a God, I understood that I couldn"t do otherwise than live for Him: my religious vocation dates from the same hour as my faith..." (letter to H de Castries 1902). What did Charles encounter through confession and communion? Quite simply Jesus and his love - an experience of Love given and a desire to love in return...ALL and all.